I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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