It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
