end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
