She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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