I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
