She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
