can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
