We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
