the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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