I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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