I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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