Got a toothbrush?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
