I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
