i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
In America we eat man semen.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
