I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
