i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
