I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
