So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
