Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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