Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
