We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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