Having a random hookup so left but love u
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
