Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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