so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
