is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize