I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
