Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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