It's Friday. Sex?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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