The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
