I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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