So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize