Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
