If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
