She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
