I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
