Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
