Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
