Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
