btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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