Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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