So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We are all done wearing pants today
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize