omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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