just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize