i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
