Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
