I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
