I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize