First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I can't turn off my feet"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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