We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
