watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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