Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
