My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize