I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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