im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
