and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
