Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
