i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
