smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
