im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
