Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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