If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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