Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.

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(+91): View more from India

Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.

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(314): View more from Missouri

It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.

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(713): View more from Texas

That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us

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(505): View more from New Mexico

He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.

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(312): View more from Illinois

You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?

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(951): View more from California

fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great

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