Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
