Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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