She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
