Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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