my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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