Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
