PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
