She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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