You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
