I heard we made out
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
