She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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