Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize