the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
