Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
