Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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